I am by myself right now with my two kiddos, ages 6 and 2. Sometimes I feel so drained from having to be the only one to care for them nonstop all day, every day. Do you have any tips?
A young woman I know sent me this question because she knew I had single-parented two young children for two and a half years. Although her situation is different - her husband is deployed for a year overseas - the net result is the same: she is single-handedly taking care of her house and her kids. Indeed there are many people in similar situations.
I wrote these words to encourage her:
I feel for you! It's very hard to single-parent. I remember most nights just collapsing into bed exhausted, choosing to ignore the dirty dishes and the sheets that hadn't been washed for more than a month. It is truly draining, so please don't think something's wrong if you are constantly tired or overwhelmingly behind. That's just normal.
It's all about choosing the things that are most important. Pay the bills on time. Cook healthy meals. Keep things as clean as possible. Keep the laundry up-to-date. These things are essential to life.
However, you may not have time to make scrapbooks, respond to every e-mail, go to every church or school event, or other things you think you "should" do. Choose what's most important and don't feel guilty about the things you cannot do right now.
You can ask for help for some things. For example, you might hire a friend (and pay them well) to clean your house top-to-bottom once a month.
There are several things I did that simplified life:
* I bought my son all one kind of sock and my daughter all another kind. That made sorting and folding clean socks a simple task.
* I gave away all clothing items that needed to be ironed. I didn't have time or patience to iron.
* I put away the kids' clothes in a way that they could easily choose their own outfits. Matching shirts/pants sets were folded together. "Play Clothes" were put in a separate drawer from "good clothes."
* I bought a chest freezer and purchased food in bulk. I maintained a good quantity of quick-prepare (healthy) dinners, frozen veggies, and other food standards (ground beef, chicken, etc.).
* I stocked ahead on household items that, if we ran out, would require me to go to the store in an "emergency." I didn't want such emergencies to force me to squeeze a store trip into a very busy day. I made sure I was always well-stocked on things like milk, bread, cereal, kids' favorite snacks, toilet paper, laundry detergent, and basic medicines.
* I learned the art of crock-pot cooking.
* I learned the value of preparing a meal in a quantity for three nights, and then freezing two nights' worth to use at a later date.
* I changed my hairstyle and my kids' hairstyles to something I could cut by myself at home and not have to spend time styling in the mornings.
* I bought a flexible shower hose/head that attached to the bathtub spigot. That made it easier to rinse the kids off after a bath, but I could also focus the water so it didn't get in their faces.
* I chose to splurge on Clorox Wipes, Swiffer dusters, and other things that made cleaning as quick and painless as possible. There are times to be frugal with money, but there are also times we need to be frugal with our time, and in this case, it was worth spending the extra money to save precious time.
These are just a few ideas to start you out.
Single-parenting is very hard, but you can do it. Keep pressing on! God's grace and strength to you!
I hope that you have a school for the 6 year old during the day and a half day nursery for the 2 year old that may help. Also, have a relative sit with them for a couple of hours one or two days per week would eliminate some of the burden that you are now facing.
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