Every grief experience is different. However, speaking in general terms, here is a one big difference in the grieving process between an older widow(er) and a younger widow(er): the younger widow(er) feels secondary grief over the death of the future.
For an older widow(er) who has enjoyed 30, 40, or 50+ years of marriage, they have many years of memories together with their spouse. The challenge now is comprehending life without their spouse, and there is some very real fear for the future.
However, much more, the younger widow(er) feels a profound level of grief over the loss of the future. At a young point in the marriage, there are more dreams for the future than memories of the past. With the passing of the spouse, all the hopes and dreams they had together died...or at least profoundly changed...as well. This is a unique kind of grief that will take time to work through in the life of a younger widow or widower.
As a word of encouragement, I would point out this very special Scripture:
"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will hear you. You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart." (Jeremiah 29:11-13, ESV)When your spouse died, your future profoundly changed. You're right: nothing will ever be the same again. But your future can be good, because the LORD is the One who holds your future. You can trust Him, and seek His best for your future.
As one who has traveled down the path of grief ahead of you, I can personally assure you of God's tender care for us through times of loss and grief. In my life, I found God's plan for my future to be more wonderful than I could have ever comprehended in advance. I encourage you to look to Him and find the future He has in store for you and your family.
Bless you for this blog. I am a widow ( a relatively young widow) who was only married for three years when my husband died suddenly leaving me with a two year old and 11 month old to raise mid life. I totally get the - my future has been robbed - and the last thing I would have ever desired was to be raising children (yet again) alone. I have two older adult children!
ReplyDeletePray that God in His mercy brings me a good man to help raise my very active, busy, funny, intelligent, but exhausting babies! They are 9 and 8 now, so much time has passed, and they really need a father to help shape them - I'm plum worn out!