Grieving With Others

When our spouse dies, we enter a season of profound grief. In the midst of my own grief, I sometimes forgot an important point: others around me were grieving my wife's death too. Each person grieves in different ways, but all who knew my wife were going through their own processes of grief. The closer they were to her, the greater their own feelings of loss and pain.

Of course, I knew I needed to help my children grieve. But I was slower to think about my/our friends, members of our extended family, and others who were deeply touched by my wife's passing.

If I had been a little more attuned, I might have done a few things a little better:
1) I would have taken unhurried time to remember Cyndi with them, hearing their stories, and sharing some of my own. These times are valuable as we come to grips with the depth of our loss, and story-sharing is precious to everyone who knew the person.
2) I would have been less inclined to show people how much I "had it all together." I would have been more willing to admit the times I was deeply hurting. Although I would have carefully chosen the people with whom I would share those "down times," I would have allowed some of Cyndi's closer friends to enter into my own grief a little more, which in turn might have helped them in their own grief.
3) I would have been a little more gracious with the things people said to me. I knew people were only trying to offer words of comfort, and I received them graciously enough, but I would probably have extended even more grace if I had been conscious of the grief in their hearts. When they offered words of advice that sounded trite or silly, I would have extended even more grace, realizing they, too, were responding out of their own grief.

Grief can be a very lonely process. It seems less lonely when we share some of our grieving moments with dear family and friends.

There may also be great help gained from seeing a Christian counselor or going to a support group like GriefShare.

Most of all, our best help comes when we turn to the Lord. We are never truly alone: God is waiting to help us as we turn to Him.