Differences in Grief Experiences

For my forthcoming book for widows and widowers, I'm writing a section that examines various factors that contribute to the wide range of grief experiences we face. As I'm working on my list, I wonder if you might help me define some additional factors that I can include in my list.

To explain a bit further, it's obvious that there are some similarities in people's experiences of grief. Everyone deals with stages of sadness, anger, and fear. Everyone faces some level of depression. Everyone who has lost as spouse has spent some time evaluating the marriage and thinking through things that might have been done differently. These commonalities in grief are helpful to examine, which I do in the pages of my book.

But I also want to explore why grief experiences are so vastly different among widows and widowers. Your grief is not like my grief, nor like anyone else's. What contributes to this? Here is my list, currently "in progress."

A) Differences based on the nature of the marriage relationship. Were husband and wife very close, or were they more distant - maybe even conflictive - with one another? Were they married a few months, a few years, or a few decades? What roles (finance, household duties, childcare, etc.) did the other spouse assume, which now fall to the widow(er)? Were there unresolved marital issues that now weigh heavily on the widow(er)?

B) Differences based on the current life situation. Are the children young, teen-aged, or grown and out of the house? Does the widow(er) live with financial security or financial uncertainty? Were husband and wife retired or just starting out in life? Does the widow(er) have family members who live nearby and can provide helpful support? Does the widow(er) have good friends to talk with or ask for help?

C) Differences based on the nature of the spouse's death. Was it a sudden accident that didn't allow any time to prepare, or was it a long illness that allowed some time to grieve even before the point of death? Was there some kind of injustice involved in the death (murder, accident that was someone else's fault, medical mistake)? Was the death due to suicide?

D) Differences based on faith in God. Does the widow(er) believe that God can help them through the difficult days of grief? Does the widow(er) believe in the Bible's descriptions of heaven? Does the widow(er) feel certainty that their spouse is in heaven, or is there some doubt about where their spouse may be?

I'm sure there are other factors that affect each person's individual experience of grief. Please give some brief feedback about other things I might include in this section of my book. Thanks so much!