Fighting FEAR with FAITH

In an earlier blog post I shared some of my experiences with fear. In meeting with other widows and widowers over the years, I find that fear is a very common battle, especially after losing a spouse. In this post I want to suggest some thoughts to help us fight FEAR with FAITH.

Perhaps simple acronyms will help us. Let's first look at FEAR.

• F is for Flight. When we are fearful we are likely to flee from any situation that we fear. In the process we tend to pull back from healthy friendships and activities, and that leads us down a lonely path.
• E is for Error. In a state of fear we begin to think in strange and unhealthy ways. We imagine worst case scenarios and dwell on negative "what ifs." We may even be able to identify that a particular thought process is unreasonable or even absurd, but that doesn't necessarily remove the resulting fear.
• A is for Anxiety. We feel anxious about our own safety, or the safety of people we love, and that makes it seem wiser to withdraw into perceived safety than to step out and take reasonable risks or even engage in normal daily activities.
• R is for Reaction. Instead of deciding on the best course of action, we get into a pattern of reacting to our emotional state or to perceived threats. These reactive decisions often lead us in negative directions.

How can we fight FEAR? With FAITH.

• F is for Family and Friends. We can tell a couple close people about our struggles and ask them to pray for us. We can ask someone to be with us at times when we feel most lonely or most vulnerable. Without relationships like these we can tend to withdraw into a shell of loneliness, which only increases fear rather than overcoming it.
• A is for Activity. Fear threatens to paralyze us. We can counter this by finding something active and enjoyable to do. Go to church. Meet a friend for coffee. Attend a show at a local theater. Take a short trip to see a beautiful place. Visit a park or a lake and spend a couple hours enjoying God's creation.
• I is for Insight. We can counter our fears with essential Truth from God's Word. Here are some verses on which we can meditate:

               Philippians 4:4-9
               Psalm 56:3-4
               Psalm 27:1
               Psalm 118:5-6
               John 14:27
               John 16:33
               Romans 8:15
               2 Timothy 1:7
               1 John 4:18

• T is for Truth. In addition to the truth of God's Word, we can counter our fears with other truths from life. It is statistically improbable that our car will be stolen our our house invaded. It is extremely unlikely that I will be mugged on a suburban street or attacked while sitting in my church. We can let these simple truths overshadow erroneous thoughts and their affiliated fears.
• H is for Health. We want to eat healthily, sleep adequately, and find some form of exercise we enjoy. For starters, we can take a short walk every day. When we take care of our physical bodies, that helps our mental and emotional health as well.

You might point out that fear is an emotion, and it is difficult to counter emotion with reason. This is partially true, but the Word of God gives us many commands about our emotions: Love one another (John 13:34-35); rejoice always (1 Thessalonians 5:16, Philippians 4:4); be thankful (1 Thessalonians 5:18, Colossians 3:15). And the Bible tells us to fear not (John 14:27). So to an important degree, God calls us to control our emotions. And He gives us the power to do so through the Holy Spirit.

You might find that this is overly simplistic. Perhaps so. I admit that some fears are so intense or complex that they are hard to understand, much less fight. Yet I also know that the Lord doesn't want us trapped in our fears, so maybe these simplistic steps will help us at least to begin the process of overcoming fears in our lives.

Are you ready to fight FEAR with FAITH?

The Long Break, and the Joys and Challenges of Adoption

Perhaps you've noticed that my blogs have been a bit quiet lately. For this I do apologize, and hope you'll allow me to explain this long break.

My wife and I have recently adopted an eleven-year-old son, and are working diligently to integrate him into our family that includes three other children. We know the Lord has led us down this path, but the way is filled with joys and challenges.

God doesn't call us to follow the easy path; He calls us to follow the path that He will bless.

We are embracing the joys and challenges, but in order to focus on my family I have stepped back from writing for the last several months. I continue to serve the pastoral role to which the Lord has called me. Now, from this point forward, I plan to resume my semi-regular blogging. My goal remains the same: "Relating biblical truth to everyday life, to draw people closer to Christ."

God's blessings to you. I'll write more soon.

Curves and Switchbacks

One summer I took my family to Pike's Peak in Colorado. Our van had a wonderful compass to tell us which way we were going, and that compass had helped us a lot up to that point in our two-week trip.


The road up to Pike's Peak is full of sharp curves, switchbacks, and steep drops off the side of the road. Along the way up the mountain we noticed that the compass was desperately trying to keep up, but by the time it caught up, we were already rounding the next curve, and it was suddenly displaying the wrong direction.

In some ways, the grief process can be like this. There are various "stages" of grief, but a grieving widow(er) will move back and forth through these stages at unpredictable moments. Our mental compass cannot keep up with the curves and switchbacks along the crazy road of grief.

Sudden flashes of anger. Bursting into tears in the middle of the grocery store. Overwhelming and unexplainable moments of fear. Wondering if maybe this is all a bad dream and your spouse will suddenly show up alive and well. Grief brings a crazy mix of unpredictable emotions!

Sometimes we just have to hang on through the strange and unpredictable ride. I would offer you these words of comfort: You're not going crazy - you're grieving.

October 25

Exactly nine years ago today, Cynthia Whitaker passed from this life into eternity. The car accident was so violent that she died before any emergency personnel arrived.**

Amid the feelings of shock and grief, I was so thankful to know that Cyndi followed Jesus Christ as her Lord and Savior. She had a personal relationship with Christ. Because of this, I knew she was in heaven, and that she was full of peace and joy like she had never known on this earth. At times I was almost jealous that she got there first, but I'm sure I'll be there in 50 years or so, because I too have given my life to Jesus. In the meantime, I will continue to show great love to my dear wife Kristin and our three growing children (all of whom have also given their lives to Jesus).

Dear reader, I wish I could speak with you face-to-face so you could look me in the eye and see the deep sincerity with which I communicate these words: Life is precious and life is short. We never know when our earthly life will end. I pray that you, too, have given your heart to Jesus Christ. You never know when your earthly days will end, so it's not something you want to put off until "a more convenient time." How about now?

I like to explain the steps very simply, using the letters A-B-C-D:
*A - ADMIT you are a sinner. If you've ever told a lie or taken something that wasn't yours, that makes you a sinner. The Bible tells us we are ALL sinners: "All have sinned and fall short of the glory of God" (Romans 3:23).
*B - BELIEVE that Jesus died on the cross to save you from your sins. "For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord" (Romans 6:23).
*C - CONFESS that Jesus is your Savior. "If you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. For with the heart one believes and is justified, and with the mouth one confesses and is saved" (Romans 10:9-10).
*D - DEPART from the sinful things you have been doing. "Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come" (2 Corinthians 5:17).

If you want to ask Jesus to be your Lord and Savior, you can pray a simple prayer like this: "Dear Father, I know I am a sinner. I believe that You sent Jesus Christ into the world to save people from their sins. I ask You now to forgive my sins. I want to turn away from my sin and follow Your way. I want Jesus to be my Savior and Lord. Thank you for showing Your great love for me. Amen."

If you prayed that prayer with all the sincerity of your heart, then you are now a follower of Jesus Christ. I urge you to find a good church that teaches the Bible every week, and start spending time with other people who follow Christ. I encourage you to start reading the Bible - perhaps you might start with reading the gospel of John - to learn more about the God of the universe and His Son, Jesus Christ.

We never know when our earthly days will end. Cyndi didn't know that October 25, 2003, would be her last day on this earth. She had no way to know that she would die at the age of 30. But she was ready to meet her Savior.

Are you?
__________________

**If you're interested in reading more of my personal story, you can read it in two parts (click these links to pull up each post):
Part 1
Part 2

"How can I survive on my own?"

When our spouse dies, one of our first questions is probably this: "How can I survive on my own?" For the years we were married, we leaned on our spouse for comfort and encouragement. We laughed together and cried together. We argued occasionally, but we came out together fighting on the same team. We faced challenges together, drawing strength from one another to overcome any obstacle. We honed one another's ideas and helped each other become better, wiser people.

When my wife died, I remember feeling incomplete. Almost immediately I missed her wisdom in making decisions regarding the house or the children. I missed being able to share good things from my workday. I craved her listening ear and her encouraging words when I had a bad day. I missed hearing her own stories about the day.

On top of that I faced fears about how I could survive the day-to-day practical needs of life all by myself. I had to care for two preschool-aged children. I had to cook and clean and pay the bills without any help. Going to the store, buying clothes for the kids, fixing things around the house, making big decisions - in every area I missed the help of my wife, my partner, my best friend.

I was lonely. I was overwhelmed. I wondered how I could possibly survive.

Can you relate?

Through that time I did three things that helped tremendously:

1) I took comfort in the constant presence of God. Many scripture passages remind us of God's presence, but for now I'll share just one from Isaiah 41:10: "Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."

2) I simplified my life as much as possible. I developed hairstyles for myself and my children that I could cut and style without having to go to a professional. I bought all the same kind of socks - one style for my daughter and another style for my son - to save the time and frustration of sorting socks in the laundry. I developed a bill-paying system I could easily follow so I wouldn't miss a payment. I bought a chest freezer so I could bulk-buy meats, vegetables, and easy-to-prepare dinners.

3) I gratefully accepted the gracious help of others. People generously offered us home-cooked meals, childcare, play dates with their own kids, rides to school or church, and hand-me-down clothes. People were not offending my sense of independence; they were genuinely trying to help me during a time I most needed help. I am glad I humbled myself and accepted their help, praying there might be a day I could pass the blessing on to others who might be need similar help in the future.

If you have recently lost your spouse, please know that you CAN survive this time. Accept the generous offers of help from family or friends. Find ways to simplify daily tasks so they are manageable. And above all, rest in the constant presence of our faithful Lord. He is with you even now. As you look to Him, He will fill you with peace and provide for your every need.

Being Honest, No Matter How Much it Hurts

My young children asked many questions in the days and weeks following their mother's death. Actually, they asked some of the same questions over and over.

-"Where is Mommy?"
-"Why did she go?"
-"When is she coming back?"
-"Can I go to see her?"
-"Can we talk to her?"
-"Where is heaven?"
-"Will Jesus send her back?"
-"Will you go to heaven too and never come back?"

These questions hurt to hear, and hurt even more to answer. It was challenging to deal with their sincere questions using language and concepts a preschooler could understand.

From the time my children were born I had determined I would always tell them the truth. I never played games about Santa Claus or other mythical characters. I wanted my children always to know that we as their parents would tell them the truth, or we would honestly let them know that we could not answer a particular question if they inquired about something we could not or should not tell them.

So after my wife died I fumbled through trying to answer their painfully penetrating questions. They deserved honest answers, but how can a three-year-old understand abstract concepts like "death" and "heaven"?

As hard as it was, I answered every question as simply as I could, using brief but honest answers.

-"Mommy is with Jesus in heaven."
-"Mommy had too many boo-boos from the car accident."
-"Mommy is not coming back. She loves you very much, but when someone goes to heaven, they stay there forever."
-"One day you can go see her, but I think it will be years and years from now."
-"Maybe we can pray to God and ask Him to give her a message."
-"I'm not really sure where heaven is, but I know from the Bible it is a wonderful place, full of joy. Mommy is happier than she has ever been. She doesn't have any more boo-boos. The best part about heaven is that Jesus is there."
-"No, Jesus will not send Mommy back. I know Mommy loves you and Jesus loves you, and I know Jesus will watch over us always."
-"One day I will go to heaven too, but I think that will be a long, long time from now, after you're all grown up and have children of your own."


I didn't want to promise that something wouldn't happen to me (I cannot control that), but I wanted to allay their fears that I might die too. I didn't want them to confuse praying to God with talking to Mommy, so we prayed to God and asked Him to say "Hi" to Mommy. I knew they couldn't visualize heaven well (that's hard enough for adults), but I wanted them to know it is a wonderful place where Mommy is full of joy, and that one day we would be reunited in heaven.

When I answered my kids' questions, I let them see my own tears of grief. We held each other tightly and cried together over how much we missed Mommy.

Even though it is hard, please answer the questions your children ask with full honesty, no matter how much it hurts. If you don't know some of the answers to your children's questions, please take time to ask a pastor or a Christian counselor for some helpful answers. Read the Bible to get good information about heaven. Read some good books to help clarify your own thoughts (see the "Recommended Resources" page on this blog).

And remember the Lord cares deeply for you and your children. He will help you and them grow in your understanding and your faith as you seek Him together.

A Lighthouse in the Fog of Grief

Coastal areas have many lighthouses. Although better maritime technologies are employed today, it wasn't that long ago that lighthouses served as life-saving tools for sailors who were in danger of losing their way in dense fog or darkness.

As I write this, I have just learned of the sudden death of a young man I've worked closely with. Today I am struggling to think clearly in the midst of the dense fog that descends over our minds whenever we are in shock.

When we hear about the death of someone we love, whether a close friend or family member, our mind goes into a kind of self-protection mode. It takes a while to process the news and comprehend its full effect. At this moment my mind is distracted, floating between the things I'm trying to do today and the news I was not prepared to hear.

The fog is most dense when our spouse dies. Shock, denial, even bargaining with God - these are all part of the crazy experience we call "grief." In the midst of the fog, which may last for a very long time, we have to reassure ourselves that this is all a normal and natural part of the grief process.

Even more, we need a lighthouse to help us stay safe when we are lost in the fog. The best source of help comes from the Bible. Here are a few passages (out of many!) we might consider:

• Psalm 46:1-3, 10-11: "God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear though the earth gives way, though the mountains be moved into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam, though the mountains tremble at its swelling. ...'Be still, and know that I am God. I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth!' The LORD of hosts is with us; the God of Jacob is our fortress."
• Psalm 62:1: "For God alone my soul waits in silence; from him comes my salvation. He only is my rock and my salvation, my fortress; I shall not be greatly shaken."
• Psalm 73:25-26: "Whom have I in heaven but you? And there is nothing on earth that I desire besides you. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever."
• Psalm 34:18: "The LORD is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit."
• Psalm 145:18: "The LORD is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth."

As I feel the shock of grief today, albeit much less than the grief of losing my wife almost nine years ago, I find once again that God's comforting presence and eternal truth give me strength. May you find the same lighthouse when you are in the fog of grief.

Making Life-Changing Decisions

When my wife died, an emotional fog descended over my brain. I don't remember many details of those days that followed. Somewhere in the fog I read or heard a piece of advice I have passed on to many others since: don't make any life-changing decisions in the weeks immediately after you lose your spouse.

It is impossible to think clearly while in the throes of emotional pain. The fog is too thick. Of course, decisions must be made about funeral services and family arrangements. When making these decisions, it is wise to lean on the advice of a trusted friend or family member.

Other decisions are best delayed for at least a couple months or more. Here are some things that I would recommend delaying:

* Childcare arrangements - You may have to make some immediate arrangements for the care of your children while you work, but perhaps you might lean on friends for those first weeks and delay any commitments to long-term childcare (e.g., daycare center, nanny, etc.).
* Financial decisions - Many widows and widowers have quickly made large financial decisions they have later regretted. Of course you should pay your bills and fulfill your debts on time. But I suggest you avoid redoing the house, making big purchases, or engaging in any financial contracts, until you are able to clearly think through the long-term ramifications of these decisions.
* Job changes - If you have a job or if you don't have a job, I would recommend staying in that situation for the first few months if you can. So much has changed in your life; learning a new job would add to your already-high stress level.
* Business decisions - If your spouse owned a business, you will eventually need to make some decisions regarding its future. If possible, you may want to delay the decision for a few months, entrusting the leadership of the business to a faithful employee in the meantime.
* Moving - I remember wanting to stay in my house to cherish the memories, yet leave the house forever to escape the pain. For the sake of my children, and to keep as much stability as possible in our family, I stayed in our home. I am thankful I did. When time came to marry again, that was the best time for us to start afresh in a new home. You too may want to stay in your current home - and current city - for a while so you maintain some sense of stability for yourself and your children.
* Relationships - It may be tempting to sever some relationships that you and your spouse had enjoyed together, because they now feel very different. It may be tempting to seek out new relationships to help fill the enormous void in your life. I would suggest you delay making any decisions that affect friendships, because it is nearly impossible to reverse these decisions later. Cherish the friends you have for now.

Many of these decisions can easily be delayed a couple months, but if you can delay most of them for at least six months, that is probably even better. Wait for the emotional fog to clear a bit so you can see down the road a little better.

If you do need to make any decisions that are unforgivingly time-dependent, I suggest you lean heavily on the advice of a few trusted friends who care for you and who have no personal interest in the outcome of the decision. A pastor or counselor or attorney may also help you think through your options and give you some helpful advice.

Remember also that the Lord is ready to help you through all of these life-changing decisions. He has a plan for you (Jeremiah 29:11), and if you look to Him, He will show you the way.

Praying for a Double Portion

The night my wife died, I lay in bed hoping for sleep that never really came. Among the thousands of thoughts in my head, I realized that the one I had turned to most for parenting wisdom was my wife; the one the children turned to most for love and nurture was my wife. Now she was gone, and I deeply feared the impact that would have on my young children (then ages three and one). Feeling inadequate to love and parent these children well I prayed, "Lord, please give me a double portion of love and a double portion of wisdom."

I repeated that prayer a number of times through the months that followed, and I know the Lord answered most wonderfully. I was filled with a deep love for my children, even deeper than I had had before. And God granted wisdom not all at once, but moment by moment during the quick parenting decisions that have to be made many times each day.

"And my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus" (Philippians 4:19). Turn to Him and see the wonderful ways He will meet your every need.

The Death of the Future

When my wife died, I felt hopeless for the future. We had planned some vacation times that we would never take together. I thought of all the family celebrations she would never attend: school events, birthdays, holidays, graduations, weddings...all would feel my wife's conspicuous absence. It was hard to comprehend those things without her.

Every grief experience is different. However, speaking in general terms, here is a one big difference in the grieving process between an older widow(er) and a younger widow(er): the younger widow(er) feels secondary grief over the death of the future.

For an older widow(er) who has enjoyed 30, 40, or 50+ years of marriage, they have many years of memories together with their spouse. The challenge now is comprehending life without their spouse, and there is some very real fear for the future.

However, much more, the younger widow(er) feels a profound level of grief over the loss of the future. At a young point in the marriage, there are more dreams for the future than memories of the past. With the passing of the spouse, all the hopes and dreams they had together died...or at least profoundly changed...as well. This is a unique kind of grief that will take time to work through in the life of a younger widow or widower.

As a word of encouragement, I would point out this very special Scripture:

"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will hear you. You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart." (Jeremiah 29:11-13, ESV)

When your spouse died, your future profoundly changed. You're right: nothing will ever be the same again. But your future can be good, because the LORD is the One who holds your future. You can trust Him, and seek His best for your future.

As one who has traveled down the path of grief ahead of you, I can personally assure you of God's tender care for us through times of loss and grief. In my life, I found God's plan for my future to be more wonderful than I could have ever comprehended in advance. I encourage you to look to Him and find the future He has in store for you and your family.

When I Am Afraid

When my first wife died, another widow in my congregation handed me a book about overcoming fear. She said it was the most helpful book she had read when her husband passed away. I will admit, I was skeptical about the value of such a book. Why would I need to read about fear?

Within a couple of days I started having trouble sleeping; I heard every creak and groan in the house, and I was convinced someone was breaking in. When my children went outside, I was obsessed with protecting them, lest I lose someone else I dearly loved. I feared for my future, I feared for my finances, and I feared for the impact of this tragedy on my young children. I feared that I would be lonely for the rest of my life.

My children, too, felt great fear. Their biggest fear, though they could not express it, was that something would happen to me. Other natural childhood fears also intensified.

Fear is a very natural emotion in the aftermath of a loss. Even when we know the fear is irrational, it is present nonetheless.

I spent many hours holding my children, singing songs about God's power and might, and reading verses about heaven. Even as I comforted them, the Lord used those simple truths to comfort my own heart as well. One of our favorite songs was a scripture song recorded by Steve Green many years prior, "When I Am Afraid." The lyrics are based on Psalm 56:3-4a:

"When I am afraid, I put my trust in you. In God, whose word I praise, in God I trust; I shall not be afraid."

When we are afraid, God invites us to place our hope and trust in Him, and to remember that every word in the Bible is true. As we remember His power and His love for us, our faith increases and our fear subsides.

My Story - Part 2

In "My Story - Part 1" I shared some of my personal experiences, especially the most painful moment when I learned that my wife had died. Here in Part 2 I want to tell you why I feel the urge to help others who are on similar paths of grief.

When Cyndi passed away, I felt intensely lonely. I desperately sought other people who had been down this path of grief and loss before me, so they could help me know there was hope to come sometime in the future. Even in our rather large church family, there were people who had lost their spouses after many years of marriage, there were women whose husbands had died suddenly, and there were people who became single parents through unwelcome circumstances (usually divorce). Several of these people offered many kind words of help and hope, for which I am forever grateful.

But I still could not find one person who met all of these qualifications (male, sudden loss of spouse, and single dad of young children). I longed to connect with someone who understood the unique levels of grief and fear that came from losing a younger spouse, particularly grieving the death of the future and fearing the future for my own young children.

Dear reader, if you are in the throes of grief and pain, I want you to know I have traveled down this path before you, and I can assure you THERE IS HOPE. Through this blog I want to offer you words of comfort. Along the way I want to offer some practical ideas for dealing with daily life in the "new normal."

Although you and I will probably never meet in person, I want you to know that I am praying for you and for every person who visits this site. I want you to know that if you reach out to the Lord during this time, He will meet your every need.

My Story - Part 1

Personal stories are very important. As you look at the material in this blog, you are likely curious about my own story and why I am interested in helping other widows and widowers. In Part 1 I will share my own story of loss, and in Part 2 I will share my motivation to help others who are walking similar paths of grief.

It was Saturday, October 25, 2003. For weeks I had made preparations for our church to host a satellite-simulcast marriage conference. For two days I had sat next to my wife, Cyndi, as we listened to speakers like Gary Smalley and others talk about marriage. As the conference came to a close, Cyndi and I held each other's hands and gazed into each other's eyes as we renewed our marriage vows along with more than 100 other couples in the room, plus thousands more participating in the same simulcast across the nation.

"To have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love you, to honor you, to cherish you and to protect you, forsaking all others as long as we both shall live."

After the conference concluded, Cyndi left the church to go home, check on our young children, and drive the babysitter back to her own house.

I continued the work of putting things away and resetting the sanctuary for Sunday morning's services. It was the weekend to change our clocks, and somewhere in the midst of my massive to-do list and the confusion between having some clocks already changed and others not yet changed, I lost track of time.

As I completed my work, I went to the church office to make some copies. Two men entered the church through the nearby doorway. One was my senior pastor and dear friend, Jeff Hinds. I did not recognize the other man. With grave looks on their faces, they asked me to join them in Jeff's office. Bewildered, I followed them, my head already beginning to fill with questions about what might be going on.

The stranger gave me his name and identified himself as the chief of police in a neighboring town. Then he said in a straightforward manner, yet with a quivering voice, "There's been a terrible automobile accident. I'm sorry to say your wife didn't make it."

The room swirled. It felt like the oxygen had been sucked out of the room. Jeff had wisely slid a chair behind me so I would have somewhere to land when I collapsed under the weight of the news. I honestly don't remember the next few minutes very clearly.

Somewhere in the blur, I heard the officer say that my children were in the car, but were alive and okay, and waiting for me at the hospital down the street. Somehow, Jeff had already made some hurried phone calls to various friends, so one friend was already at the hospital with the children until I could be there with them. At the hospital other close friends, stunned and filled with grief, joined us over the next couple of hours.

From the hospital waiting room, as my children were being entertained with videos and snacks from the cafeteria, I made the most difficult calls to my parents and Cyndi's parents. They called the rest of the family members, and all of them started on the road within a few hours' time, driving long distances to be with me during those first dark days of grief.

Thus began a painful and unwelcome chapter in my life. Nobody in their right mind would invite this kind of pain, but sometimes pain like this invades our lives without our permission.

As a young husband, I had seldom considered the possibility that my wife might die at an early age. I was focused on the logistics of daily life and our dreams for the future. When Cyndi passed away, my world shattered. Perhaps you can relate.

This is continued in "My Story - Part 2."
http://helpforwidowsandwidowers.blogspot.com/2012/05/my-story-part-2.html